Dec 30 2009
Who Has “Issues”?
I chuckle a little as I write this, though it really isn’t a laughing matter.
We were preparing for our first community event for girls and their parents/guardians. We, meaning a woman’s network group that I’m a member of–For You Network–, and my own non-profit organization–The Positive Image Network. The event, A Day For You, is designed to inspire young women, ages 12-15, through awareness workshops, interactions, and female connections; and to help them build a balanced sense of self. Our goals are to inspire, motivate, and educate girls, while adding fun stuff to the mix like fashion shows, photo shoots, and goodie bags. There are also workshops for the parents/guardians.
Parents were calling to register and to find out more information. I’ll mention two calls in particular.
One call was received by For You Network director, Lilly Montgomery. The mother wanted to get more info on the topics being addressed, of which Lilly gave her a in-depth description: Our speakers were professional women, set to give the girls tools that they could grasp where they were, to plan for success now and in the future. There were also workshops for parents, giving them input on the serious issues created through some of the aspects of our popular culture that negatively impact girls–and resources that would help them with those issues.
Somewhere in the conversation, the mom stated she didn’t think she would have many issues with her 13-year-old because her daughter came from “a two-parent home.” Lilly was able to share with the mother how she also raised her three children in a two-parent home, loving atmosphere, with Christian principles and regular church attendance, and civic mindedness–yet one of her daughters made the unwise choice that led to a teen pregnancy.
I received the other call– from a pleasant mother who had two girls, ages 13 and 15, that she wanted to bring. However, her girls were a little resistant saying that they felt the event was for girls “with issues.” I gave the mother a run-down of what we were covering, politely explaining that even if their girls felt that they themselves didn’t “have issues”, that life had certain issues it was more than happy to throw their way, and that they would receive some tools to deal with some of those ‘life’ things. After I got off the phone with her, I wondered if having topics that dealt with planning for success and recognizing your true value were reserved for those “with issues.” While the first mother did bring her daughter, the second one did not.
Of course, we all like to believe that all the hard work and effort we put into raising our children correctly should automatically equal stellar results. One plus one should equal two. However, we must remember that there are those unexpected variables thrown in that are out of our control, which throws the equation off. Things like outside influence from associates that perhaps don’t have the same value system; influences from music, television, movies, magazines, and such.
For example, in one of the workshops I hold for parents, I show them the sexually-charged ads in some of the magazines that are popular with teens. Many times they are surprised and appalled because they don’t have those mags in their homes. But the access to the magazines is there with a simple trip to the grocery store, the library, a friend’s house.
My main point is this: No one is immune to the increasingly valueless culture we live in. As Mary Pipher says in her book Reviving Ophelia-which deals with the negative effects that our media-saturated culture has on adolescent girls- we dwell in a ‘girl-poisoning’ culture–one where girls need to be given strategies to fight to not lose their ’selves’–the person they were created to be. And for those who hold on well to not losing themselves, if they live a normal life out in the world with everyone else, they undoubtedly are going to deal with those who have issues which shows up as low self-esteem, eating disorders, risky behaviors, depression, lack of direction, etc. These appear in the forms of co-workers, bosses, neighbors, friends…
It pays to at least educate on the traps and pitfalls that are out there.
Knowing what you’re up against is half the battle. Having and then executing a strategy is the other half.