The Parent’s Television Council, a non-partisan education organization advocating responsible entertainment, has released a new study that parents/caregivers should look into.  The name of the report: Tinseltown’s New Target: A study of Teen Female Sexualization on Primetime TV–and it examines teen female sexualization in the media.

Their  findings are deeply troubling: When underage female characters appear on screen:  more sexual content is depicted;  teen girls seldom showed a negative response to being sexualized;  more sexual incidents occur outside of any form of a committed relationship; and there is less accuracy in the TV content rating when teen girls are involved 
   
Some of their major findings include:  

• Underage female characters are shown participating in a higher percentage of sexual depictions compared to adults (47% and 29% respectively).
• Only 5% of the underage female characters communicated any form of dislike for being sexualized (excluding scenes depicting healthy sexuality).
• Out of all the sexualized female characters depicted in the underage and young adult category for the entire database, 86% were presented as only being of high school age.
• Seventy-five percent of shows that included sexualized underage female characters were shows that did not have an “S” descriptor to warn parents about the sexual content.
• Based upon a definition established by the American Psychological Association of “healthy” vs. “unhealthy” sexuality, the study findings show that 93% of the sexual incidents involving underage female characters occurred within a context that qualified as “unhealthy.”
• The data revealed that 98% of the sexual incidents involving underage female characters occurred outside of any form of a committed relationship.
• The data show that 73% of the underage sexualized incidents were presented in a humorous manner or as a punch line to a joke.

You can find the report  at  http://www.parentstv.org/FemaleSexualization/Study.htm

Does your daughter ever act bored with the “usual” activities that you both may do on weekends, or during your mother-daughter time? Especially “tweens” and teenagers, where it may take a lot to impress them or keep them excited about spending time with you.  Where’s here’s just a couple of quick ideas that can be easily adjusted to fit your budget.

What about a “staycation?” The urban dictionary defines a staycation as “A vacation spent close to home”. Why not try a day trip to a neighboring city that may have some attraction you haven’t seen yet? Maybe even choose a day spa, restaurant, or maybe a get a hotel for the night. This could provide a great bonding experience, and you can feel like you’re thousands of miles from home! What’s great is you won’t have the usual distractions from home. Perhaps another mother and her daughter might want to join you. Keep it intimate though, so you have that quiet time bond.

On a budget like most of us? What about a day of thrift store or antique shopping?  Start the day with a  nice breakfast at your place of choice (be it home or your favorite eatery), then designate a set amount of money you would like to spend. Although it may sound cliché, shopping together, away or close to home, can be a great bonding experience!  On that same budget note, a spa night at home can be just as satisfying. Designate a day, and block out some time, so you won’t be interrupted! You can try candles to set the mood; don some comfy robes. Lay out your supplies, and  give each other mani-pedi’s and maybe even foot massages! Conversation is always better when you’re relaxed, and tweens and teens are always more comfortable when they are doing something they enjoy.
These are just a few ideas that may draw a mother and daughter closer. With the busyness of work, school and extra-curricular activities, it’s tough to carve out the time. Make time! Your child will thank you for it later. You may learn something about your child that you don’t know, and vice versa.

 Domestic Violence,  referred to as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)   is not only an issue in adult relationships, but also teen dating relationships.

Did you know that:

• Females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group– at a rate almost triple the national average?
• Approximately 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
• 81% of parents surveyed either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.
• A majority of parents (54%) admit they’ve not spoken to their child about dating violence.
• Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse

Since only 33% of teens in an abusive relationship ever tell anyone (friends included) about the abuse it’s no wonder parents are clueless…especially if there are no outward signs such as bruises and black eyes. And one does not have to be hit to be considered abused. When a guy gets into controlling what his girlfriend does, where she goes, how much time she spends with her friends etc., these are warning signs.  At first, to a young lady these may be flattering as she thinks  “Oh, he loves me so much he just wants me to be with him.” when in actuality these are danger signs.

I recently took some  teen girls  to a workshop that dealt with the issues of teen violence. With them, I learned some things that I hadn’t really thought about when it comes to domestic violence: how  many times it’s generational; that abusers become perpetrators;  that you can talk yourself  blue in the face with reasonable arguments to a victim of abuse, but until that person calls it for what it is and takes the steps to get out of the abusive relationship, they will continue to rationalize why they should stay.   Also, sadly, in many of these teen relationships, both victims and abusers attribute the responsibility for violent dating behavior to  the victims, caused by: provocation by the girl; the victim’s personality type; the girl’s need for affection; communication problems; and peer group influence.  So in other words, the victim believes she somehow is responsible for the ‘beat-down’ that she receives.

As part of the workshop we watched a DVD that told the stories of actual teens in violent relationships, and how it not only affected them, but their friends and families as well. One thing that surprised  some of the girls attending, was that name-calling and teasing can be considered a form of abuse. 

The workshop presenter, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, was very candid in describing her history of growing up in a home where her father was abusive to both his spouse and children, and how that atmosphere shaped  her own violent behavior where she became a perpetrator…hitting first before she got hit.   She now works with victims and  perpetrators of intimate partner violence, and she also shared that many times victims fail to recognize how it affects those around them–children, family, friends, etc..  They think it’s just their issue. 

It’s important that girls (and boys) be taught what a healthy relationship is,as well as what it isn’t.  

What are some of the signs of a teen abusive relationship? I copied a handout titled “Teen Power and Control Wheel“  which is a handy reference to go over with adolescent/teen girls as it lays out different ways control is wielded.  Additionally, included are downloads on” Teen Dating Violence Facts” and “Prevention Recommendations“ put out by the American Bar Association, and Understanding Teen Violence Fact Sheet from the Center for Disease Control Violence Prevention.

One group of 31 girls was given  a book that had an overweight character who suffered from lack of self-esteem and teasing because of her size, but as the story progresses she begins making healthier life-style choices and she starts to feel more confident about herself, developing a more positive attitude. The book that the second group of 33 girls read did not have an overweight character in it; and the third group of 17 girls was not given a book at all.

After six months, all the girls lost weight, but the girls in the first group lost the most, and there was noticeable improvement in their self-esteem.

The name of the book is Lake Rescue and it’s in the Beacon Street Girls Series, which is popular in with the 9-13 age group.

Hey, to all the fiction writers of books for girls. I see a market here for series of books that are fun and captivating for the adolescent girl market, that have messages of making healthy lifestyle choices. Books that aren’t afraid to deal with the issues that adolescent girls face today, and present positive choices for more positive outcomes.

A survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy contained  questions on the subject of  ’sexting’  and some of the findings are:

Number of teens who say they have sent/posted nude or semi-nude photos of videos of themselves:

• —20% of teens overall
• —22% of teen girls
• —18% of teen boys
• —11% of young teen girls (ages 13-16)

Number of teens who are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages:

• —39% of all teens
• —37% of teen girls
• —-40% of teen boys
• —-48% of teens say they have received such messages

How common is it for these images to be shared with others:

• 44% of both teen girls and teen boys say it is common
  for sexually suggestive text messages to get
  shared with people other than the intended recipient.

  36% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say it is common
  for nude or semi-nude photos to get shared

Why do they do it?

• 51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason
  girls send sexy messages or images; only 18% of
  teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts
  as a reason.
• 23% of teen girls and 24% of teen boys say they were
  pressured by friends to send or post sexual content.

Here’s a heart-breaking story of the suicide of a 13-year-old girl, and the downward spiral  that began with her sending a nude photo of herself to a boy she liked:

http://tinyurl.com/yzvcs3v

Here are some tips taken from the National Campaign’s survey

5 TIPS TO HELP PARENTS TALK TO THEIR
KIDS ABOUT SEX AND TECHNOLOGY”
Talk to your kids about what they are doing in cyberspace.
Just as you need to talk openly and honestly with your kids
about real life sex and relationships, you also want to discuss
online and cell phone activity. Make sure your kids fully understand
that messages or pictures they send over the Internet
or their cell phones are not truly private or anonymous.
Also make sure they know that others might forward their
pictures or messages to people they do not know or want
to see them, and that school administrators and employers
often look at online profiles to make judgments about potential
students/employees. It’s essential that your kids grasp
the potential short-term and long-term consequences of their actions.
Know who your kids are communicating with.
Of course it’s a given that you want to know who your children
are spending time with when they leave the house. Also
do your best to learn who your kids are spending time with
online and on the phone. Supervising and monitoring your
kids’ whereabouts in real life and in cyberspace doesn’t make
you a nag; it’s just part of your job as a parent. Many young
people consider someone a “friend” even if they’ve only met
online. What about your kids?

Consider limitations on electronic communication.
The days of having to talk on the phone in the kitchen in
front of the whole family are long gone, but you can still limit
the time your kids spend online and on the phone. Consider,
for example, telling your teen to leave the phone on the
kitchen counter when they’re at home and to take the laptop
out of their bedroom before they go to bed, so they won’t be
tempted to log on or talk to friends at 2a.m.

Be aware of what your teens are posting publicly.
Check out your teen’s MySpace, Facebook and other public
online profiles from time to time. This isn’t snooping—this is
information your kids are making public. If everyone else can
look at it, why can’t you? Talk with them specifically about
their own notions of what is public and what is private. Your
views may differ but you won’t know until you ask, listen, and
discuss.

Set expectations.
Make sure you are clear with your teen about what you consider
appropriate “electronic” behavior. Just as certain clothing
is probably off-limits or certain language unacceptable
in your house, make sure you let your kids know what is and
is not allowed online either. And give reminders of those expectations
from time to time. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust
your kids, it just reinforces that you care about them enough
to be paying attention.

Tune in to the live workshops at
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=13472&cmd=tc

I’ll be speaking today at 2pm PST on the topic- “The Heat is On – Techniques To Protect You and Your Daughter from Becoming Culture War Casualties.