Oct 14 2010
The Ugly Truth About Teen Dating Violence
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.
Domestic Violence, referred to as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is not only an issue in adult relationships, but also teen dating relationships.
Did you know that:
- Females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group– at a rate almost triple the national average?
- Approximately 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
- 81% of parents surveyed either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.
- A majority of parents (54%) admit they’ve not spoken to their child about dating violence.
- Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse
Since only 33% of teens in an abusive relationship ever tell anyone (friends included) about the abuse it’s no wonder parents are clueless…especially if there are no outward signs such as bruises and black eyes. And one does not have to be hit to be considered abused. When a guy gets into controlling what his girlfriend does, where she goes, how much time she spends with her friends etc., these are warning signs. At first, to a young lady these may be flattering as she thinks “Oh, he loves me so much he just wants me to be with him.” when in actuality these are danger signs.
I recently took some teen girls to a workshop that dealt with the issues of teen violence. With them, I learned some things that I hadn’t really thought about when it comes to domestic violence: how many times it’s generational; that abusers become perpetrators; that you can talk yourself blue in the face with reasonable arguments to a victim of abuse, but until that person calls it for what it is and takes the steps to get out of the abusive relationship, they will continue to rationalize why they should stay. Also, sadly, in many of these teen relationships, both victims and abusers attribute the responsibility for violent dating behavior to the victims, caused by: provocation by the girl; the victim’s personality type; the girl’s need for affection; communication problems; and peer group influence. So in other words, the victim believes she somehow is responsible for the ‘beat-down’ that she receives.
As part of the workshop we watched a DVD that told the stories of actual teens in violent relationships, and how it not only affected them, but their friends and families as well. One thing that surprised some of the girls attending, was that name-calling and teasing can be considered a form of abuse.
The workshop presenter, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, was very candid in describing her history of growing up in a home where her father was abusive to both his spouse and children, and how that atmosphere shaped her own violent behavior where she became a perpetrator…hitting first before she got hit. She now works with victims and perpetrators of intimate partner violence, and she also shared that many times victims fail to recognize how it affects those around them–children, family, friends, etc.. They think it’s just their issue.
It’s important that girls (and boys) be taught what a healthy relationship is,as well as what it isn’t.
What are some of the signs of a teen abusive relationship? I copied a handout titled “Teen Power and Control Wheel“ which is a handy reference to go over with adolescent/teen girls as it lays out different ways control is wielded. Additionally, included are downloads on” Teen Dating Violence Facts” and “Prevention Recommendations“ put out by the American Bar Association, and Understanding Teen Violence Fact Sheet from the Center for Disease Control Violence Prevention.