Oct 11 2010
Ten Mother/Daughter Activities that Foster Better Communication
By: JoJo Tabares
If you are a mom trying to improve your relationship with your daughter, you may have heard you should do activities with her. After filling your already busy schedule with mother/daughter events, have you found yourself running ragged without seeing any improvement in your relationship? If so, this article is for you!
Actually, the idea isn’t to keep yourselves “busy” as much as it is to engage in a mutually exciting activity that builds memories and allows for conversation. Before I get into what activities do just that, I want to first focus on the key ingredients of a good mother/daughter activity. A good mother/daughter activity has five key ingredients:
Do something where you have some privacy
So many moms bring their teens and tweens to pottery classes, movie theaters and dancing lessons thinking they’ll build their relationships. Unfortunately, most public activities actually reduce the chance that your daughter will open up to you. Take her somewhere she’ll feel is more private so she feels free to talk about things that are more personal to her. She won’t tell you her inner most thoughts and fears if she is surrounded by her peers. The more public an activity, the less real communication can take place.
Do something you really don’t need to pay much attention to
You can’t have a serious discussion while some assembly is required. Have you ever tried to hold a conversation with your child while trying to follow directions? “Put Tab A into Slot B….What did you say, Sally?” It just doesn’t work. Your mind is fixated on the task at hand. You can’t possibly involve the rest of your brain in a deep discussion of life. You need to arrange an activity that isn’t so mentally taxing so as to allow you more concentration on your discussion.
Do something fun
Nothing says boring and rigid like a meeting! Ever call your daughter into your room for a “talk?” As she’s walking in she’s thinking, “Oh joy!” Right? Do something fun with her. Make it exciting, unique, interesting. She’ll not only want to do this time, but will be up for repeated mother/daughter activities to come allowing you to remain close with her and build a strong foundation that will outlast her residence in mom’s home!
Do something that will build memories
Doing something fun will keep her coming back, but doing something that allows you to build memories together is priceless! Design an activity that helps you share your thoughts and feelings with each other. She may not even remember the activity, but she’ll remember that mom loved her the rest of her life!
Do something that will, perhaps, become a tradition
If you can find a mutually fun activity that you can do monthly or yearly, that becomes a tradition. She may even adopt this tradition with her own daughter(s). I’ll tell you about some of my traditions and fun activities I’ve done with my daughter. Here are ten activities, most of which, you can do with elementary age on up through their adulthood!
1. Housework
Does your little girl love doing “Mommy Things?” If so, how about folding laundry, cooking dinner or cleaning the house together while you talk? Once your little girl is a bit older, she’ll not think this is FUN so take advantage of it while it lasts! Being home helps provide for privacy while you have your discussions which is very important to girls in this age bracket.
2. Window Shopping
If your daughter loves window shopping, this can be a fabulous way to learn what she likes and dislikes along with her hopes and dreams for the future.
3. Picnic
Take her on a picnic, just the two of you. Being out in nature is a wonderful excuse to talk about her walk with God, how she sees her future and the important things of life.
4. Nature walk
If you’ve got a nature girl, this is another great way to look on God’s beauty and discuss the vast opportunities her life could bring.
5. Ladies Night In
My adult daughter lives this one. My son has Young Marine’s on Tuesday nights so during the summer when she was home from college, we’d take advantage. We’d sometimes just sit and talk or watch her favorite TV show while discussing life and the issues faced by the characters on the show.
6. Movie Night
No this one isn’t going to the movie theater to see the latest heart throb. I’m suggesting watching a DVD, preferably one you’ve already seen! My dd and I used to watch I Love Lucy marathons. We knew every show’s dialogue by heart, but we’d have such fun watching and repeating our favorite lines. In between, we’d discuss life and love.
7. Crafts
If you and your daughter are crafty, I suggest having a crafty afternoon together. Don’t do something where you’ll have to concentrate too much on technique, but do something fun that allows you to share an activity while you discuss whatever is on her mind…or yours.
8. Mother/Daughter Starbucks Day
What started out as a monthly mother/daughter Starbucks day out on the town has become a tradition for my daughter and me. She loves the green tea drinks and I love the Frapacinos. We’d start our day at Starbucks and sit at a table talking about life and her future. She’d ask me what I thought and she’d tell me her thoughts about my life. We, then, would take it on the road walking around the local shops looking at anything and everything that happened to interest us. We planned her entire college career out that way. Of course, she was free to change her mind when she got there! I learned a great deal about who she was and who she was becoming. I learned who she wanted to be and whom she didn’t. Now that she is 20, we do it as often as time permits us to be together. It’s a tradition that has helped us get to know each other, trust each other and form a strong mother/daughter bond that has only strengthened as she is out on her own.
9. Dinner
Something else you might try with your daughters is a dinner out, just the two of you. Not to a noisy place, but it doesn’t have to be expensive either. While some restaurants like Red Robin are full of TVs and noisy chatterers, even McDonald’s can be a great place to discuss life over food!
10. Mother/Daughter Weekend
We’ve never done this before, but I have always wanted to. What a great way to spend time with your daughter. To have a whole weekend to plan activities such as these where you can spend quality time without the interruptions of other family members and obligations. This is not an inexpensive proposition, but it doesn’t have to cost too much. A weekend away doesn’t have to be in a foreign country. It can be a motel 6 with a good breakfast bar!
Start planning your mother/daughter activities right now. Don’t like the ones I suggested? Add your own! :)
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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication. Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has made her a sought after speaker. JoJo’s articles have appeared in various homeschool magazines and websites such as Dr. Laura.com. Her Say What You Mean curricula is endorsed by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and her eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business, has been used by direct sales leaders and small business owners alike. For more information, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com
Wow, these are great ideas and since I will soon have a teenaged daughter, this will be very helpful to me. Thanks for sharing this.